This is a 1 minute podcast about life grabbing you and i by the balls.
If any of the episodes are beyond 1 minute, please report to the nearest police station.
1 minute, please?
one day in 2020, I ordered a ride going to church.
got into the ride, and sat at the front because I hate my riders feeling small by sitting at the back.
Usually, I sit in my rides without saying a word till I get to my destination.
typical scenario:
ME: *enters ride*
ME: good, whatever-the-time-of-day-is
Rider: hi bro
ME: *quiet the entire trip*
*reaches destination*
Me: thanks
Rider: you’re welcome. Abeg no forget give me ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Me: ok.
9 out of 10 times, I forget to give the ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ because I always leave wondering what that rider dreamed of becoming one day.
maybe an astronaut?
i bet the Emi Lo Kan economy must have drained the life out of the young man’s aspirations. The boy grows up and becomes an Uber driver.
most of the riders leave thinking i’m a psychopath (for not saying anything throughout the trip) or my mouth is smelling.
Whichever one they pick, God abeg I hope it’s the former. 🤲🏽
This one time, the Uber guy initiated a conversation with me:
Let’s assume his name is “ADE”, my mom’s name is “Boritos”, and my surname is “Adebayo” (because my real surname sounds like a joke and there’s nothing funny about finding an uncle this way).
*While the trip was on with Sunny Ade playing*
ADE: bro, i saw on the app your last name is Adebayo
Me: yes
ADE: are you the son of Mrs Boritos Adebayo
Me: yes
ADE: do you know your mom is my sister?
ME:
that’s how i found my unknown Uncle in an Uber ride. You can guess how awkward the rest of the convo went.
And yes, he’s actually my Uncle.
to be fair to my mom, I’m not sure she knows all her siblings either. She comes from a highly polygamous family and her father was aggressively fertile (evidently). So let’s cut her some slacks.
from that day, i vowed my idea of family must take an entirely different style. Hence the AUDIO attached to today’s meal—for your refreshment.
my idea of family is to get old, still love Jesus, sit in rocking chairs with the 1 wife of my youth, be evidently fertile with ONLY her😉, and kids who won’t hide WhatsApp status from us.
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🎧 Ep 8: my long lost uncle was my uber driver