'Even though a broken clock is right twice a day, we forget that it’s wrong 22 other times. And so we extend grace to people who barge into our lives with their several red flags and who only wave a green flag on very few occasions. We hold on to the scarce 2 green flags and ignore the other 22 times they did us wrong intentionally and consistently. And never ends well.'
thanks for not just reading but taking to leave a comment, Tola.
i’m glad that line resonates because it resonates with me too. As i wrote it, i didn’t even know how it came out of me all i remember was staring at the popular phrase “a broken clock is right twice a day” so much that i started seeing the blurred lines.
I think therapy culture has made this worse. We (especially women) are taught to understand and empathize with men. We write off their inconsistencies and faults as ADHD or avoidant attachment or whatever else is trending, instead of seeing it for what it is — bad behavior.
The urge to fix others is an act of control which is “easier” than the work it takes to fix ourselves. We get to sit in our self righteous - “if only they would listen to me…” while simultaneously having no requirement to do work other than run our mouths.
Tobi, you found something so unexpected in my Writers Workshop piece! It's beautiful & I'm so glad my words resonated. Funnily enough, I actually deleted that line & then but it back in! Grateful I did now. x
I really think it takes community to fix one another. Like, we all have to point out the others faults. Obviously not in a degrading way because that would only lead to arguments, anger and resentment. But there is a healthy way to tell your friends what you've observed about them and help them learn and grow.
i just got off a 5-hour call with a friend and i told her “i want to master the art of short writing”. And to see you say these words is not just demure but soul filling. Thank you, Alex.
I dont really think anything or anyone needs fixing, the good the bad the ugly. Its all part of the cycle of life, change will always be necessary but idk if fixing is the right word. That being said, objectively speaking I would probably have 22 green flags and 2 red flags as a romantic partner, but the two might be big ones depending on how you look at things 😸
man, this is coming right when i need it! i’m struggling on whether i should pursue someone who has shown multiple red flags, but also has so many positive traits and qualities that i love.
“a constant desire to fix others might be a signal of our own need for healing” hits hard
Ok ok ok, this part right here?; 'We hold on to the scarce 2 green flags and ignore the other 22 times they did us wrong intentionally and consistently.' Why oh why has this never hit me until now?!? That is gold.
hey kathlen, first, i just checked your profile and see you’re in toronto. It feels less lonely to see more writers around here on substack.
thanks for leaving a comment. Can i be honest with you? up until the very second of writing it, it didn’t hit me too. After i wrote it, i amazed myself. Timeless truth fr.
"A constant desire to fix others might be a signal of our own need for healing."
This right here, is the truth!
A thoughtful and a well-writen piece. Well done Tobi
thank you, Madam May. 🫶🏽
'Even though a broken clock is right twice a day, we forget that it’s wrong 22 other times. And so we extend grace to people who barge into our lives with their several red flags and who only wave a green flag on very few occasions. We hold on to the scarce 2 green flags and ignore the other 22 times they did us wrong intentionally and consistently. And never ends well.'
Actually. Thanks for sharing! ✨
thanks for not just reading but taking to leave a comment, Tola.
i’m glad that line resonates because it resonates with me too. As i wrote it, i didn’t even know how it came out of me all i remember was staring at the popular phrase “a broken clock is right twice a day” so much that i started seeing the blurred lines.
I think therapy culture has made this worse. We (especially women) are taught to understand and empathize with men. We write off their inconsistencies and faults as ADHD or avoidant attachment or whatever else is trending, instead of seeing it for what it is — bad behavior.
The urge to fix others is an act of control which is “easier” than the work it takes to fix ourselves. We get to sit in our self righteous - “if only they would listen to me…” while simultaneously having no requirement to do work other than run our mouths.
We humans are loving but flawed beings lol
“loving but flawed beings”
Tobi, you found something so unexpected in my Writers Workshop piece! It's beautiful & I'm so glad my words resonated. Funnily enough, I actually deleted that line & then but it back in! Grateful I did now. x
oh wow! you deleted it?
nah! the heavens would have been so pissed. Because that line turned on light for me.
Trying to fix others is not something we can do. I think all we can do is point them to the one who can fix all broken men.
You asked some questions worth pondering in this story, Tobi. Good read!
“point them to the one who can fix us all broken men”
what a profound saying my bro.
I really think it takes community to fix one another. Like, we all have to point out the others faults. Obviously not in a degrading way because that would only lead to arguments, anger and resentment. But there is a healthy way to tell your friends what you've observed about them and help them learn and grow.
completely love this perspective
Amen, I’m not longer Captain-Save-A-Hoe 😂😅
you’re cancelled fam 😂😂😂
Bar of the year “even though a broken clock is right twice a day, we forget that it’s wrong 22 other times” 🙌🏾
"So much so that we almost make a Grammy-worthy red CARPET out of their RED flags." 😮💨
Tobi. You said so much in such few words. I'm saving this newsletter as research.
i just got off a 5-hour call with a friend and i told her “i want to master the art of short writing”. And to see you say these words is not just demure but soul filling. Thank you, Alex.
You're welcome😉
I dont really think anything or anyone needs fixing, the good the bad the ugly. Its all part of the cycle of life, change will always be necessary but idk if fixing is the right word. That being said, objectively speaking I would probably have 22 green flags and 2 red flags as a romantic partner, but the two might be big ones depending on how you look at things 😸
trut that! for you, what happens when the 2 are big ones?
Nothing dramatic, i would never cheat, what are your red flags?
Those who can do, teach!
word
I believe we just need a distraction. I'm saying we feel too broken sometimes that we try to distract ourselves by fixing others.
A very nicely piece, here, Tóbi. Thank you for sharing
this!!! you’re smart, nimi.
People are often overprotective of their perceived pure selves to the point of ignoring their broken selves and shifting blame to other people
Edwin, is there more?
this post slapped me in the face. and i needed it.
i probably needed it most. 😭
i finna be wanting to heal everyone and anyone when my inner child be needing the healing the most.
man, this is coming right when i need it! i’m struggling on whether i should pursue someone who has shown multiple red flags, but also has so many positive traits and qualities that i love.
“a constant desire to fix others might be a signal of our own need for healing” hits hard
thanks for this real one, Tobi
Will, you’re always welcome here. 🫶🏽
Ok ok ok, this part right here?; 'We hold on to the scarce 2 green flags and ignore the other 22 times they did us wrong intentionally and consistently.' Why oh why has this never hit me until now?!? That is gold.
hey kathlen, first, i just checked your profile and see you’re in toronto. It feels less lonely to see more writers around here on substack.
thanks for leaving a comment. Can i be honest with you? up until the very second of writing it, it didn’t hit me too. After i wrote it, i amazed myself. Timeless truth fr.