'Even though a broken clock is right twice a day, we forget that it’s wrong 22 other times. And so we extend grace to people who barge into our lives with their several red flags and who only wave a green flag on very few occasions. We hold on to the scarce 2 green flags and ignore the other 22 times they did us wrong intentionally and consistently. And never ends well.'
thanks for not just reading but taking to leave a comment, Tola.
i’m glad that line resonates because it resonates with me too. As i wrote it, i didn’t even know how it came out of me all i remember was staring at the popular phrase “a broken clock is right twice a day” so much that i started seeing the blurred lines.
The urge to fix others is an act of control which is “easier” than the work it takes to fix ourselves. We get to sit in our self righteous - “if only they would listen to me…” while simultaneously having no requirement to do work other than run our mouths.
Tobi, you found something so unexpected in my Writers Workshop piece! It's beautiful & I'm so glad my words resonated. Funnily enough, I actually deleted that line & then but it back in! Grateful I did now. x
I really think it takes community to fix one another. Like, we all have to point out the others faults. Obviously not in a degrading way because that would only lead to arguments, anger and resentment. But there is a healthy way to tell your friends what you've observed about them and help them learn and grow.
i just got off a 5-hour call with a friend and i told her “i want to master the art of short writing”. And to see you say these words is not just demure but soul filling. Thank you, Alex.
man, this is coming right when i need it! i’m struggling on whether i should pursue someone who has shown multiple red flags, but also has so many positive traits and qualities that i love.
“a constant desire to fix others might be a signal of our own need for healing” hits hard
Ok ok ok, this part right here?; 'We hold on to the scarce 2 green flags and ignore the other 22 times they did us wrong intentionally and consistently.' Why oh why has this never hit me until now?!? That is gold.
hey kathlen, first, i just checked your profile and see you’re in toronto. It feels less lonely to see more writers around here on substack.
thanks for leaving a comment. Can i be honest with you? up until the very second of writing it, it didn’t hit me too. After i wrote it, i amazed myself. Timeless truth fr.
I have a friend who is simply an arsehole but keeps using his self diagnosed ADHD as an excuse for his behaviour. I'm patiently waiting for the opportunity to tell him he ain't shit and he needs to fix up if he wants to remain friends with me. This is a big step for me because I usually allow nonsense in the name of being understanding..I have been delivered, almost🥹
I have also had my fair share of emotionally unavailable men whom I feel the need to fix. But my healing and growth journey has been such an eye openner, I no longer have the patience for such.
that “i no longer have the patience for such” had me chuckle. Cos i felt it. So much build up of tolerating people’s bad behaviour. Mabinu, namesake. 🥹
ps: have any of these bad behaved men whom you’ve come across go by the name tobi?
"A constant desire to fix others might be a signal of our own need for healing."
This right here, is the truth!
A thoughtful and a well-writen piece. Well done Tobi
thank you, Madam May. 🫶🏽
'Even though a broken clock is right twice a day, we forget that it’s wrong 22 other times. And so we extend grace to people who barge into our lives with their several red flags and who only wave a green flag on very few occasions. We hold on to the scarce 2 green flags and ignore the other 22 times they did us wrong intentionally and consistently. And never ends well.'
Actually. Thanks for sharing! ✨
thanks for not just reading but taking to leave a comment, Tola.
i’m glad that line resonates because it resonates with me too. As i wrote it, i didn’t even know how it came out of me all i remember was staring at the popular phrase “a broken clock is right twice a day” so much that i started seeing the blurred lines.
The urge to fix others is an act of control which is “easier” than the work it takes to fix ourselves. We get to sit in our self righteous - “if only they would listen to me…” while simultaneously having no requirement to do work other than run our mouths.
We humans are loving but flawed beings lol
“loving but flawed beings”
Tobi, you found something so unexpected in my Writers Workshop piece! It's beautiful & I'm so glad my words resonated. Funnily enough, I actually deleted that line & then but it back in! Grateful I did now. x
oh wow! you deleted it?
nah! the heavens would have been so pissed. Because that line turned on light for me.
Trying to fix others is not something we can do. I think all we can do is point them to the one who can fix all broken men.
You asked some questions worth pondering in this story, Tobi. Good read!
“point them to the one who can fix us all broken men”
what a profound saying my bro.
I really think it takes community to fix one another. Like, we all have to point out the others faults. Obviously not in a degrading way because that would only lead to arguments, anger and resentment. But there is a healthy way to tell your friends what you've observed about them and help them learn and grow.
completely love this perspective
Bar of the year “even though a broken clock is right twice a day, we forget that it’s wrong 22 other times” 🙌🏾
"So much so that we almost make a Grammy-worthy red CARPET out of their RED flags." 😮💨
Tobi. You said so much in such few words. I'm saving this newsletter as research.
i just got off a 5-hour call with a friend and i told her “i want to master the art of short writing”. And to see you say these words is not just demure but soul filling. Thank you, Alex.
You're welcome😉
Those who can do, teach!
word
I believe we just need a distraction. I'm saying we feel too broken sometimes that we try to distract ourselves by fixing others.
A very nicely piece, here, Tóbi. Thank you for sharing
this!!! you’re smart, nimi.
People are often overprotective of their perceived pure selves to the point of ignoring their broken selves and shifting blame to other people
Edwin, is there more?
this post slapped me in the face. and i needed it.
i probably needed it most. 😭
i finna be wanting to heal everyone and anyone when my inner child be needing the healing the most.
man, this is coming right when i need it! i’m struggling on whether i should pursue someone who has shown multiple red flags, but also has so many positive traits and qualities that i love.
“a constant desire to fix others might be a signal of our own need for healing” hits hard
thanks for this real one, Tobi
Will, you’re always welcome here. 🫶🏽
Ok ok ok, this part right here?; 'We hold on to the scarce 2 green flags and ignore the other 22 times they did us wrong intentionally and consistently.' Why oh why has this never hit me until now?!? That is gold.
hey kathlen, first, i just checked your profile and see you’re in toronto. It feels less lonely to see more writers around here on substack.
thanks for leaving a comment. Can i be honest with you? up until the very second of writing it, it didn’t hit me too. After i wrote it, i amazed myself. Timeless truth fr.
I have a friend who is simply an arsehole but keeps using his self diagnosed ADHD as an excuse for his behaviour. I'm patiently waiting for the opportunity to tell him he ain't shit and he needs to fix up if he wants to remain friends with me. This is a big step for me because I usually allow nonsense in the name of being understanding..I have been delivered, almost🥹
I have also had my fair share of emotionally unavailable men whom I feel the need to fix. But my healing and growth journey has been such an eye openner, I no longer have the patience for such.
that “i no longer have the patience for such” had me chuckle. Cos i felt it. So much build up of tolerating people’s bad behaviour. Mabinu, namesake. 🥹
ps: have any of these bad behaved men whom you’ve come across go by the name tobi?
Lmaoooooo
Funny enough none of them Are Tobi.
thank Goodness. My name is vindicated.
You're welcome Mr.Jollof-Write 😅. Yeah it resonated 💙. Well done!
I needed to read this
thanks for commenting, Adesuwa. What part of it connects with you the most?