My diaries were also read. I was grounded for a month, not allowed to see or talk to my best friend at the time again, and watched like a hawk from then on. Apparently the only acceptable things to think and do for a teenage girl were homework, sports, and chores. I finally, thankfully, got back to journal writing later, but I haven’t trusted my parents with information I think they’ll find damming since… and I’m in my mid-forties. I feel like that incident gave me the impression that I was just absolutely rotten from the inside out, and I’m only now beginning to recover from that misconception.
damnnnnn! Jules!!! thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Seriously, THANK YOUUUUU!! for the gift of you.
I feel seen!!! I also didn’t reveal anything to my parents as much again. I don’t live with them anymore but still it’s a challenge opening up. Even my love life, all my life, they never knew who i was with.
Jules, i think people like us go through these things to shape us into progressive parents?
because there just has to be some sort of purpose, right? right?
Tobi, I’m so glad my comment resonated with you!!!
I’ve chosen not to have kids, but I do think that experience has made me a better partner and friend to everyone in my life since… at least in the fact that I do not feel any inclination whatsoever to pry into things that are not my business. And if I come across information that was never meant for me, I keep it and any judgements I may feel about it to my damn self, lol. I feel like it also has caused me to be more careful about what I say and how I react when people do choose to confide in me. I do not ever want to make someone feel like they are somehow wrong inside, the way I felt.
And hey, these experiences led to us two randos having a pretty rad conversation on the internet, so there’s that positive aspect.
Thanks for sharing your story too; I have not personally met many people who have lived through that particular form of invasion, and know what it feels like.
now that i read this, it makes me think maybe that’s why people feel they can confide in me with sensitive information as sensitive as their SSN or bank information. Like i wonder sometimes why they have such confidence in me. I guess it’s God just compensating me for the trauma i went through having my diary read by my folks.
and it’s funny how i’ve never given this connection a thought until now. Your comment is liberating, Jules.
We need to figure a way out to expand this conversation beyond this comment section.
this feels like 2 strangers who just met at a coffee shop. I love it. Thanks for holding space, Jules.
It really is incredible, isn’t it? I am prone to forgetting how much I can learn, even about myself, from conversing with others. This conversation is teaching me this lesson yet again, and I am grateful for it.
Now that you mention it, I too tend to be a confidant for people, even strangers seem moved to tell me about their lives. I feel like both you and I made a choice to create a safe space for others, because we deeply understood how scary and tenuous it feels when you don’t have anywhere to safely express yourself. Somehow we transmit that intention to the people around us.
Perhaps diving deeper on this could be the subject of a future post 😁🖤.
I’m not sure, to be honest. I feel like it almost needs to be conversational, like the comments. You and I both had realizations that only arose out of our discussion; I’m not sure we would have gotten those insights on our own. But how to do that for a post?
Perhaps another way would be to distill what you learned about yourself after reading about the similar experiences of others and how it affected them.
It pains me to hear that. When you bare your heart to your parents and they react by condemning you for your feelings instead of trying to understand them, it hurts. It really does.
I am glad to hear, though, that you are working towards recovery. That's all we can do, I suppose, even though parents should never be giving their children such long-lasting wounds. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Beth. It feels really good to have that pain acknowledged and understood. I didn’t realize how much I craved that until just now. So really truly deeply, thank you. 🖤
I'm sorry you had this experience. Similarly, I had a stepdad that once found my diary and tore out all the pages, scattering them all over my room to show he'd read them. They were mostly filled with my feelings about how awful my home life was, so it felt very hostile and even more emotionally unsafe from then on. I've not kept a proper diary since then but never made the link to why until reading this post - but it truly is because every time I have tried to since, I've become paranoid that whatever is in the pages could be used against me. Awful.
charlotte, You just actually described in details what I was trying to avoid in the post. I mean, most of what was written in the diary was how I was feeling in my current environment, you know, the house where I was staying at the time and feeling like I was trash based off how I was treated at the time and how I was corrected, which didn't feel right to me.
So, seeing how you described what you put down inside your diary, just takes me back in time, really, because I can't even imagine someone else reading that, not even a parent, just a random person, how they would view us in that moment.
So, I can definitely relate with that feeling. And it's quite unfortunate that their actions have made us scared of putting down our thoughts ever since those times. I just want you to know that I feel you, I see you, and I just hope that somehow you're able to pick up journaling again, whether online or in a physical diary.
Charlotte, I'm really sorry to hear about your experience; that sounds incredibly hurtful and violating. I can understand how such an event could affect your view on keeping a diary. Writing should be a safe space to express yourself, not something that makes you feel exposed or threatened.
Have you found other ways to process your feelings that feel safer for you? Sometimes sharing in different formats or even just personal reflection can be healing in its own way.
I have, thank you. I write online and have done for a long time - I feel safer putting it out there on my terms than I do jotting thoughts down in private!
My heart sank when I read the title and sub-title—unfortunately, I knew where this was going.
It's certainly not a crime to keep a diary; rather, it is a very healthy mechanism for coping. Here, your parents were the ones in the wrong—never the child. Thank you for sharing a part of your story.
That sense of violation of privacy is something I don’t know how I got over as an adult. Even now when my mom comes over (hardly ever) I put away any journals out of instinct. She read my diary and then proceeded to make fun of me for having a crush and wanting a boyfriend which then turned into a huge fight where I told her she was a bad parent for working so much…it ended with a tantrum on her part, shutting herself in her room and me crawling in the dark to sit by her bed so that I could apologize to her. Then she told my whole family at the next party and they all laughed at me. To this day she thinks it was a hilarious incident 🤦🏽♀️😭
I kept a diary and my mum found it…it was a traumatizing experience that I carry till this day. But I started journaling eventually and for the past 10 years I’ve actively kept a journal. For me, it is still the best way to safely express and explore my thoughts and emotions. It’s awful that there are so many of us who’ve had this experience.
Ooph, that’s a loaded question. I no longer have any emotional charge around the incident (it’s one of many cases of my privacy being violated and a lack of emotional attunement) but I honestly don’t know if I’ve forgiven my mother. I’ll have to do some soul searching…
same here. It’s a question for me as well. But everyday i try to see my parents in a new light. I heard someone say a part of adulting is understanding our parents were learning on the job.
I hear you. It's tough to hear how common these experiences are, but it's also really inspiring that you've been able to reclaim journaling as a safe and positive practice for yourself after such a difficult experience. It shows a lot of resilience.
Journaling for 10 years is an impressive feat, what do you think has been the most valuable aspect of journaling for you over these years?
I think just getting to see the growth over the years and being able to actually tap into my emotions. I really leave it all on the page when I journal and it gives me a sense of clarity.
Growing up in a hypercritical household molds you as a kid. I did my best to fly under the radar most of the time growing up. Write anyway. Your parents were wrong.
It's helping me too. I'm finding that reaching out to people who sometimes read my stuff and interact with me is good. I really like it here. I enjoy reading other people's perspectives and the works they create.
My mom found and read my journal when I was 19, and promptly kicked me out of the house (I wasn’t living up to her standards).
For a long time, afterward (and still, thirty-something years later), I was hesitant to be fully transparent in my journals. The freedom to write my full feelings was stifled by that break in trust.
I’ve forgiven my mom (and now feel that having gotten to be out on my own was probably just what I needed). But I am still leery of being fully transparent. 😕
“out on my own” - that sticks! that seems to always work like magic. I’ve often wondered why my colleagues why all of them always couldn’t wait to depart from the roof of their parents. If a child feels the need to flee from the home because of the fear of the unknown, then that’s not parenting.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. I kept many diaries as a child, I still have them all. It seems like you had emotionally immature parents who couldn't handle your feelings, no matter how they were expressed. I had them too and my diary was my safe space. No child should be punished for having or expressing feelings. Sadly, many of us were. It was our parent's inability to handle their own emotions so the blamed it all on us. I am so sorry that you had this experience. I am grateful that you are writing in a much safer space.
thanks so much, Janine. I think i should write a follow up on this diary story. One about which part of adulting is learning to understand my parents were learning on the job. Which helps me forgive and extend grace to them.
It's been a tough journey for me on that front. I would live to read that post if you choose to share it. A book I found enormously helpful is Lindsay Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Explained my whole life to me. I look forward to reading your next piece!
Yes. It literally explained my whole life. I heard about it on a podcast. She was literally describing me and my parents (mostly my mom). I have never felt so seen by a podcast and then by a book.
Yes! One of my faves, it's called We Can Do Hard Things. There are 4 episodes with Lindsay Gibson, # 263, 264, 284, and 285. I listen on Spotify. Start with #263, that was the one that explained my life to me. Good luck! Let me know what you think!
I still write with the thought of someone may see this later. My mum read mine once but it only led to us having a conversation. Awkward but it happened. I’m glad she handled it well.
But I’ve written letters to my parents about my feelings on their reactions towards us and it has never ended well. My Dad never appreciated any and saw it as disrespectful. Oh well!
I write and try to be cryptic to the point that I forget what I was trying to say sometimes. I use digital journals now.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you find solace in your writing now as it is amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed this reading, despite my sadness at what you went through
I have struggled to keep a journal the last few years. I kept one on Notion for around a year on a daily basis. Then I trailed off and tried it with physical field notes and now I struggle to journal
Oh my goodness! This happened to me too! My parents read my diary and then I was grounded and forbidden from seeing my boyfriend. At the time I felt so betrayed. Looking back, I wonder how I would have handled me as a child.
"All hell broke loose the day they discovered my diary, filled with my emotions trying to make sense of things. They read every single page about my experience. It triggered anger, intimidation, and a sense of violation in them.”
This is so fucking relatable. Sorry for the language, but the memory of them rummaging through my belongings, finding my diary, and reading it cover to cover infuriates me. I was punished, they didn't allow me to attend school that day, and to this day accuse me of writing ‘unacceptable’ things in a diary.
No, it is not a crime to keep a diary as a child. Writing and expressing your emotions can never be a crime.
I am not forgiving them ever, not in this lifetime. Had it been a one-time incident, I would have not taken it to heart but I have loads of such experiences. So, forgiving is not an option.
I had thought for most of my younger years that diaries were for sissies and weaklings, and it would be a disgrace for me to do likewise. Who was I fooling? I didn't have a very blissful upbringing either, but instead of writing these moments down, I'd sit alone in my room when I had the opportunity and replay them over and over in my head, then cry about it. Although I couldn't relate to getting caught, whenever I heeded the advice to tell them how I really, really feel, I became the insensitive child. I know people evolve differently, but I thank God my parents grew to be more cautious with me, although a bit late since I had built a hard shell without their input.
I don't think writing is a crime, I even believe writing down our thoughts helps us understand and navigate through them better.
It's crazy you had to go through that—I mean, insults? I'm sorry man.
there are two ways I look at it now, first, I soon realized that didn't know a better way and even if they did, they were in too deep in that tradition when they had me as a child, I see them as frail creature now, lol
secondly, it was an opportunity to know all the things I mustn't do as a parent
I'm so sorry you experienced this, and glad you're writing today. My mother read my diary when I was about thirteen and she. lost. her. mind. I remember being so angry because I knew my privacy had been violated, but I literally couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't write about personal things for years without have panic attacks, so I took a more academic writing path. To this day, writing about the really difficult and sticky topics in my life is hard, even if it's on my computer, just for myself. It does make me especially proud of my writing though, because of how difficult it's been to feel more secure in my voice and experiences.
Angela, it's incredibly tough to deal with such a breach of privacy, especially at a vulnerable age. I'm sorry you had to go through that. On a positive note, you overcoming the anxiety associated with personal writing and finding security in your voice is a significant achievement in itself, thank you for sharing!
My diaries were also read. I was grounded for a month, not allowed to see or talk to my best friend at the time again, and watched like a hawk from then on. Apparently the only acceptable things to think and do for a teenage girl were homework, sports, and chores. I finally, thankfully, got back to journal writing later, but I haven’t trusted my parents with information I think they’ll find damming since… and I’m in my mid-forties. I feel like that incident gave me the impression that I was just absolutely rotten from the inside out, and I’m only now beginning to recover from that misconception.
damnnnnn! Jules!!! thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Seriously, THANK YOUUUUU!! for the gift of you.
I feel seen!!! I also didn’t reveal anything to my parents as much again. I don’t live with them anymore but still it’s a challenge opening up. Even my love life, all my life, they never knew who i was with.
Jules, i think people like us go through these things to shape us into progressive parents?
because there just has to be some sort of purpose, right? right?
Tobi, I’m so glad my comment resonated with you!!!
I’ve chosen not to have kids, but I do think that experience has made me a better partner and friend to everyone in my life since… at least in the fact that I do not feel any inclination whatsoever to pry into things that are not my business. And if I come across information that was never meant for me, I keep it and any judgements I may feel about it to my damn self, lol. I feel like it also has caused me to be more careful about what I say and how I react when people do choose to confide in me. I do not ever want to make someone feel like they are somehow wrong inside, the way I felt.
And hey, these experiences led to us two randos having a pretty rad conversation on the internet, so there’s that positive aspect.
Thanks for sharing your story too; I have not personally met many people who have lived through that particular form of invasion, and know what it feels like.
now that i read this, it makes me think maybe that’s why people feel they can confide in me with sensitive information as sensitive as their SSN or bank information. Like i wonder sometimes why they have such confidence in me. I guess it’s God just compensating me for the trauma i went through having my diary read by my folks.
and it’s funny how i’ve never given this connection a thought until now. Your comment is liberating, Jules.
We need to figure a way out to expand this conversation beyond this comment section.
this feels like 2 strangers who just met at a coffee shop. I love it. Thanks for holding space, Jules.
It really is incredible, isn’t it? I am prone to forgetting how much I can learn, even about myself, from conversing with others. This conversation is teaching me this lesson yet again, and I am grateful for it.
Now that you mention it, I too tend to be a confidant for people, even strangers seem moved to tell me about their lives. I feel like both you and I made a choice to create a safe space for others, because we deeply understood how scary and tenuous it feels when you don’t have anywhere to safely express yourself. Somehow we transmit that intention to the people around us.
Perhaps diving deeper on this could be the subject of a future post 😁🖤.
how do you suggest we dive deeper into this, Jules?
i’m very open.
I’m not sure, to be honest. I feel like it almost needs to be conversational, like the comments. You and I both had realizations that only arose out of our discussion; I’m not sure we would have gotten those insights on our own. But how to do that for a post?
Perhaps another way would be to distill what you learned about yourself after reading about the similar experiences of others and how it affected them.
It pains me to hear that. When you bare your heart to your parents and they react by condemning you for your feelings instead of trying to understand them, it hurts. It really does.
I am glad to hear, though, that you are working towards recovery. That's all we can do, I suppose, even though parents should never be giving their children such long-lasting wounds. Thank you for sharing.
“long lasting wounds” because apparently a good number of us never went back to using a diary. Ever.
Bethel, did you keep a diary though?
I never have personally, always felt my thoughts were too incoherent to pen down… though it probably would have helped some lol
Thank you, Beth. It feels really good to have that pain acknowledged and understood. I didn’t realize how much I craved that until just now. So really truly deeply, thank you. 🖤
I just realized I miss-typed your name Bethel, so sorry about that! I really appreciate your comment.
Bethel might not even have noticed.
I'm sorry you had this experience. Similarly, I had a stepdad that once found my diary and tore out all the pages, scattering them all over my room to show he'd read them. They were mostly filled with my feelings about how awful my home life was, so it felt very hostile and even more emotionally unsafe from then on. I've not kept a proper diary since then but never made the link to why until reading this post - but it truly is because every time I have tried to since, I've become paranoid that whatever is in the pages could be used against me. Awful.
charlotte, You just actually described in details what I was trying to avoid in the post. I mean, most of what was written in the diary was how I was feeling in my current environment, you know, the house where I was staying at the time and feeling like I was trash based off how I was treated at the time and how I was corrected, which didn't feel right to me.
So, seeing how you described what you put down inside your diary, just takes me back in time, really, because I can't even imagine someone else reading that, not even a parent, just a random person, how they would view us in that moment.
So, I can definitely relate with that feeling. And it's quite unfortunate that their actions have made us scared of putting down our thoughts ever since those times. I just want you to know that I feel you, I see you, and I just hope that somehow you're able to pick up journaling again, whether online or in a physical diary.
Charlotte, I'm really sorry to hear about your experience; that sounds incredibly hurtful and violating. I can understand how such an event could affect your view on keeping a diary. Writing should be a safe space to express yourself, not something that makes you feel exposed or threatened.
Have you found other ways to process your feelings that feel safer for you? Sometimes sharing in different formats or even just personal reflection can be healing in its own way.
I have, thank you. I write online and have done for a long time - I feel safer putting it out there on my terms than I do jotting thoughts down in private!
i can relate, Charlotte.
🧡
It’s such a massive betrayal of trust! 😞
js, thanks for seeing me. Did you ever keep a journal?
I do, to this day, yes. I still hide it, but I find I need my journal as a place to sort through my thoughts.
i know right? i usually use an audio journal when i do mine.
My heart sank when I read the title and sub-title—unfortunately, I knew where this was going.
It's certainly not a crime to keep a diary; rather, it is a very healthy mechanism for coping. Here, your parents were the ones in the wrong—never the child. Thank you for sharing a part of your story.
That sense of violation of privacy is something I don’t know how I got over as an adult. Even now when my mom comes over (hardly ever) I put away any journals out of instinct. She read my diary and then proceeded to make fun of me for having a crush and wanting a boyfriend which then turned into a huge fight where I told her she was a bad parent for working so much…it ended with a tantrum on her part, shutting herself in her room and me crawling in the dark to sit by her bed so that I could apologize to her. Then she told my whole family at the next party and they all laughed at me. To this day she thinks it was a hilarious incident 🤦🏽♀️😭
"put away any journals out of instinct" part made something break inside of me. That's such a wild trauma. I'm so so so sorry for this.
I kept a diary and my mum found it…it was a traumatizing experience that I carry till this day. But I started journaling eventually and for the past 10 years I’ve actively kept a journal. For me, it is still the best way to safely express and explore my thoughts and emotions. It’s awful that there are so many of us who’ve had this experience.
hey precious, thank you for the gift of you. It means a lot to see someone else that feels what i feel. Did you forgive your mom?
Ooph, that’s a loaded question. I no longer have any emotional charge around the incident (it’s one of many cases of my privacy being violated and a lack of emotional attunement) but I honestly don’t know if I’ve forgiven my mother. I’ll have to do some soul searching…
same here. It’s a question for me as well. But everyday i try to see my parents in a new light. I heard someone say a part of adulting is understanding our parents were learning on the job.
I hear you. It's tough to hear how common these experiences are, but it's also really inspiring that you've been able to reclaim journaling as a safe and positive practice for yourself after such a difficult experience. It shows a lot of resilience.
Journaling for 10 years is an impressive feat, what do you think has been the most valuable aspect of journaling for you over these years?
a valuable aspect of journaling would be its ability to match make me to friends who share similar interests. Something no dating app can do.
I think just getting to see the growth over the years and being able to actually tap into my emotions. I really leave it all on the page when I journal and it gives me a sense of clarity.
Precious, do you journal every day?
I agree… I’m shocked to see that so many have experienced this, as well. So sad. 😞
Growing up in a hypercritical household molds you as a kid. I did my best to fly under the radar most of the time growing up. Write anyway. Your parents were wrong.
Tarrint, thanks for the comforting words. I’m doing my best. I might not have kept a physical diary ever since but at least now i have an online one.
It's helping me too. I'm finding that reaching out to people who sometimes read my stuff and interact with me is good. I really like it here. I enjoy reading other people's perspectives and the works they create.
My mom found and read my journal when I was 19, and promptly kicked me out of the house (I wasn’t living up to her standards).
For a long time, afterward (and still, thirty-something years later), I was hesitant to be fully transparent in my journals. The freedom to write my full feelings was stifled by that break in trust.
I’ve forgiven my mom (and now feel that having gotten to be out on my own was probably just what I needed). But I am still leery of being fully transparent. 😕
“out on my own” - that sticks! that seems to always work like magic. I’ve often wondered why my colleagues why all of them always couldn’t wait to depart from the roof of their parents. If a child feels the need to flee from the home because of the fear of the unknown, then that’s not parenting.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. I kept many diaries as a child, I still have them all. It seems like you had emotionally immature parents who couldn't handle your feelings, no matter how they were expressed. I had them too and my diary was my safe space. No child should be punished for having or expressing feelings. Sadly, many of us were. It was our parent's inability to handle their own emotions so the blamed it all on us. I am so sorry that you had this experience. I am grateful that you are writing in a much safer space.
thanks so much, Janine. I think i should write a follow up on this diary story. One about which part of adulting is learning to understand my parents were learning on the job. Which helps me forgive and extend grace to them.
It's been a tough journey for me on that front. I would live to read that post if you choose to share it. A book I found enormously helpful is Lindsay Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Explained my whole life to me. I look forward to reading your next piece!
oh wow! that books sounds like it just called out my first and last name. OMG! i need to add it to my list. 😭😭
Janine, you’ve read the book right?
Yes. It literally explained my whole life. I heard about it on a podcast. She was literally describing me and my parents (mostly my mom). I have never felt so seen by a podcast and then by a book.
that podcast would be a great place for me to start.
can you share me the particular podcast ?
Yes! One of my faves, it's called We Can Do Hard Things. There are 4 episodes with Lindsay Gibson, # 263, 264, 284, and 285. I listen on Spotify. Start with #263, that was the one that explained my life to me. Good luck! Let me know what you think!
Yes. Definitely something I’ve learned, too… especially as a parent, myself, now.
Heartbreaking 💔
I’m thankful you’re putting your words, story and self into the world 🙏🏽
thanks, JR. I’m thankful i am too. Writing is an opportunity to live life twice. And in this second chance, i’m loving the man i’m becoming.
Beautiful bro!
thank YOU, JR.
I still write with the thought of someone may see this later. My mum read mine once but it only led to us having a conversation. Awkward but it happened. I’m glad she handled it well.
But I’ve written letters to my parents about my feelings on their reactions towards us and it has never ended well. My Dad never appreciated any and saw it as disrespectful. Oh well!
I write and try to be cryptic to the point that I forget what I was trying to say sometimes. I use digital journals now.
awnnnn! i’m glad you didn’t let that suck your joy for journaling.
you know i’ve never thought about how that event might have turned us into writers today. Maybe that’s what our inner child would have us do today.
I believe it did. Grateful for the good that comes out of seemingly terrible situations 🌸
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you find solace in your writing now as it is amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed this reading, despite my sadness at what you went through
thanks, Con. Do you or did you keep a journal too?
I have struggled to keep a journal the last few years. I kept one on Notion for around a year on a daily basis. Then I trailed off and tried it with physical field notes and now I struggle to journal
Oh my goodness! This happened to me too! My parents read my diary and then I was grounded and forbidden from seeing my boyfriend. At the time I felt so betrayed. Looking back, I wonder how I would have handled me as a child.
i’m so sorry about this.
Kelsey, did the boyfriend know why you couldn’t see him?
"All hell broke loose the day they discovered my diary, filled with my emotions trying to make sense of things. They read every single page about my experience. It triggered anger, intimidation, and a sense of violation in them.”
This is so fucking relatable. Sorry for the language, but the memory of them rummaging through my belongings, finding my diary, and reading it cover to cover infuriates me. I was punished, they didn't allow me to attend school that day, and to this day accuse me of writing ‘unacceptable’ things in a diary.
No, it is not a crime to keep a diary as a child. Writing and expressing your emotions can never be a crime.
oh my goodness! i didn’t think they were people out there that had this same experience. I feel so comforted reading your words. Did you forgive them?
I am not forgiving them ever, not in this lifetime. Had it been a one-time incident, I would have not taken it to heart but I have loads of such experiences. So, forgiving is not an option.
wow! that’s deep. But have you picked up journaling again?
No, I haven’t. I did not want to after the incident.
😭😭😭 do you think you might in the future?
Idk. I found other ways to express myself - poetry, drawing, blogs, singing. Maybe I won’t be journaling ever again.
The crime committed was the trespassing into that private space by unskilled parents. This is so honest and vulnerable.
i couldn’t agree more. I wish they didn’t mute mic there after. Thankfully, i’ve been using this space (writing) to find that inner child.
"Oh well, that didn't end as funny as I thought.
I had thought for most of my younger years that diaries were for sissies and weaklings, and it would be a disgrace for me to do likewise. Who was I fooling? I didn't have a very blissful upbringing either, but instead of writing these moments down, I'd sit alone in my room when I had the opportunity and replay them over and over in my head, then cry about it. Although I couldn't relate to getting caught, whenever I heeded the advice to tell them how I really, really feel, I became the insensitive child. I know people evolve differently, but I thank God my parents grew to be more cautious with me, although a bit late since I had built a hard shell without their input.
I don't think writing is a crime, I even believe writing down our thoughts helps us understand and navigate through them better.
It's crazy you had to go through that—I mean, insults? I'm sorry man.
“although a bit late since I had built a hard shell without their input.”
you just wrote the story of my life in 14 words.
since i moved away, our relationship began to blossom in ways i wish it was when i lived with them.
Exactly.
there are two ways I look at it now, first, I soon realized that didn't know a better way and even if they did, they were in too deep in that tradition when they had me as a child, I see them as frail creature now, lol
secondly, it was an opportunity to know all the things I mustn't do as a parent
I'm so sorry you experienced this, and glad you're writing today. My mother read my diary when I was about thirteen and she. lost. her. mind. I remember being so angry because I knew my privacy had been violated, but I literally couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't write about personal things for years without have panic attacks, so I took a more academic writing path. To this day, writing about the really difficult and sticky topics in my life is hard, even if it's on my computer, just for myself. It does make me especially proud of my writing though, because of how difficult it's been to feel more secure in my voice and experiences.
Angela, it's incredibly tough to deal with such a breach of privacy, especially at a vulnerable age. I'm sorry you had to go through that. On a positive note, you overcoming the anxiety associated with personal writing and finding security in your voice is a significant achievement in itself, thank you for sharing!
Angela. I see you. And i know some day you’ll be able to get the words out on the page again. It matters. Take your time. 🤍