My diaries were also read. I was grounded for a month, not allowed to see or talk to my best friend at the time again, and watched like a hawk from then on. Apparently the only acceptable things to think and do for a teenage girl were homework, sports, and chores. I finally, thankfully, got back to journal writing later, but I haven’t trusted my parents with information I think they’ll find damming since… and I’m in my mid-forties. I feel like that incident gave me the impression that I was just absolutely rotten from the inside out, and I’m only now beginning to recover from that misconception.
I'm sorry you had this experience. Similarly, I had a stepdad that once found my diary and tore out all the pages, scattering them all over my room to show he'd read them. They were mostly filled with my feelings about how awful my home life was, so it felt very hostile and even more emotionally unsafe from then on. I've not kept a proper diary since then but never made the link to why until reading this post - but it truly is because every time I have tried to since, I've become paranoid that whatever is in the pages could be used against me. Awful.
My heart sank when I read the title and sub-title—unfortunately, I knew where this was going.
It's certainly not a crime to keep a diary; rather, it is a very healthy mechanism for coping. Here, your parents were the ones in the wrong—never the child. Thank you for sharing a part of your story.
That sense of violation of privacy is something I don’t know how I got over as an adult. Even now when my mom comes over (hardly ever) I put away any journals out of instinct. She read my diary and then proceeded to make fun of me for having a crush and wanting a boyfriend which then turned into a huge fight where I told her she was a bad parent for working so much…it ended with a tantrum on her part, shutting herself in her room and me crawling in the dark to sit by her bed so that I could apologize to her. Then she told my whole family at the next party and they all laughed at me. To this day she thinks it was a hilarious incident 🤦🏽♀️😭
I kept a diary and my mum found it…it was a traumatizing experience that I carry till this day. But I started journaling eventually and for the past 10 years I’ve actively kept a journal. For me, it is still the best way to safely express and explore my thoughts and emotions. It’s awful that there are so many of us who’ve had this experience.
My mom found and read my journal when I was 19, and promptly kicked me out of the house (I wasn’t living up to her standards).
For a long time, afterward (and still, thirty-something years later), I was hesitant to be fully transparent in my journals. The freedom to write my full feelings was stifled by that break in trust.
I’ve forgiven my mom (and now feel that having gotten to be out on my own was probably just what I needed). But I am still leery of being fully transparent. 😕
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you find solace in your writing now as it is amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed this reading, despite my sadness at what you went through
This is absolutely heartbreaking. I kept many diaries as a child, I still have them all. It seems like you had emotionally immature parents who couldn't handle your feelings, no matter how they were expressed. I had them too and my diary was my safe space. No child should be punished for having or expressing feelings. Sadly, many of us were. It was our parent's inability to handle their own emotions so the blamed it all on us. I am so sorry that you had this experience. I am grateful that you are writing in a much safer space.
I still write with the thought of someone may see this later. My mum read mine once but it only led to us having a conversation. Awkward but it happened. I’m glad she handled it well.
But I’ve written letters to my parents about my feelings on their reactions towards us and it has never ended well. My Dad never appreciated any and saw it as disrespectful. Oh well!
I write and try to be cryptic to the point that I forget what I was trying to say sometimes. I use digital journals now.
Growing up in a hypercritical household molds you as a kid. I did my best to fly under the radar most of the time growing up. Write anyway. Your parents were wrong.
I make it a vow to try to understand my kids. When they say certain things, kids are more vocal now than when I was kid, I try to decipher what prompted them to say so. I still want to hide my diary or self care pre promoted journals of fear of what the person I’m talking about may
Think or say. My parents did not care, it was their way or the highway and that was that. No explanations as to why. Which, now that I think of it, they probably didn’t have a real logical reason for the things they wanted and expected from their children. Sorry this also happened to you. Please keep writing
"All hell broke loose the day they discovered my diary, filled with my emotions trying to make sense of things. They read every single page about my experience. It triggered anger, intimidation, and a sense of violation in them.”
This is so fucking relatable. Sorry for the language, but the memory of them rummaging through my belongings, finding my diary, and reading it cover to cover infuriates me. I was punished, they didn't allow me to attend school that day, and to this day accuse me of writing ‘unacceptable’ things in a diary.
No, it is not a crime to keep a diary as a child. Writing and expressing your emotions can never be a crime.
I had thought for most of my younger years that diaries were for sissies and weaklings, and it would be a disgrace for me to do likewise. Who was I fooling? I didn't have a very blissful upbringing either, but instead of writing these moments down, I'd sit alone in my room when I had the opportunity and replay them over and over in my head, then cry about it. Although I couldn't relate to getting caught, whenever I heeded the advice to tell them how I really, really feel, I became the insensitive child. I know people evolve differently, but I thank God my parents grew to be more cautious with me, although a bit late since I had built a hard shell without their input.
I don't think writing is a crime, I even believe writing down our thoughts helps us understand and navigate through them better.
It's crazy you had to go through that—I mean, insults? I'm sorry man.
I'm so sorry you experienced this, and glad you're writing today. My mother read my diary when I was about thirteen and she. lost. her. mind. I remember being so angry because I knew my privacy had been violated, but I literally couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't write about personal things for years without have panic attacks, so I took a more academic writing path. To this day, writing about the really difficult and sticky topics in my life is hard, even if it's on my computer, just for myself. It does make me especially proud of my writing though, because of how difficult it's been to feel more secure in my voice and experiences.
My diaries were also read. I was grounded for a month, not allowed to see or talk to my best friend at the time again, and watched like a hawk from then on. Apparently the only acceptable things to think and do for a teenage girl were homework, sports, and chores. I finally, thankfully, got back to journal writing later, but I haven’t trusted my parents with information I think they’ll find damming since… and I’m in my mid-forties. I feel like that incident gave me the impression that I was just absolutely rotten from the inside out, and I’m only now beginning to recover from that misconception.
I'm sorry you had this experience. Similarly, I had a stepdad that once found my diary and tore out all the pages, scattering them all over my room to show he'd read them. They were mostly filled with my feelings about how awful my home life was, so it felt very hostile and even more emotionally unsafe from then on. I've not kept a proper diary since then but never made the link to why until reading this post - but it truly is because every time I have tried to since, I've become paranoid that whatever is in the pages could be used against me. Awful.
My heart sank when I read the title and sub-title—unfortunately, I knew where this was going.
It's certainly not a crime to keep a diary; rather, it is a very healthy mechanism for coping. Here, your parents were the ones in the wrong—never the child. Thank you for sharing a part of your story.
That sense of violation of privacy is something I don’t know how I got over as an adult. Even now when my mom comes over (hardly ever) I put away any journals out of instinct. She read my diary and then proceeded to make fun of me for having a crush and wanting a boyfriend which then turned into a huge fight where I told her she was a bad parent for working so much…it ended with a tantrum on her part, shutting herself in her room and me crawling in the dark to sit by her bed so that I could apologize to her. Then she told my whole family at the next party and they all laughed at me. To this day she thinks it was a hilarious incident 🤦🏽♀️😭
I kept a diary and my mum found it…it was a traumatizing experience that I carry till this day. But I started journaling eventually and for the past 10 years I’ve actively kept a journal. For me, it is still the best way to safely express and explore my thoughts and emotions. It’s awful that there are so many of us who’ve had this experience.
My mom found and read my journal when I was 19, and promptly kicked me out of the house (I wasn’t living up to her standards).
For a long time, afterward (and still, thirty-something years later), I was hesitant to be fully transparent in my journals. The freedom to write my full feelings was stifled by that break in trust.
I’ve forgiven my mom (and now feel that having gotten to be out on my own was probably just what I needed). But I am still leery of being fully transparent. 😕
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you find solace in your writing now as it is amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed this reading, despite my sadness at what you went through
This is absolutely heartbreaking. I kept many diaries as a child, I still have them all. It seems like you had emotionally immature parents who couldn't handle your feelings, no matter how they were expressed. I had them too and my diary was my safe space. No child should be punished for having or expressing feelings. Sadly, many of us were. It was our parent's inability to handle their own emotions so the blamed it all on us. I am so sorry that you had this experience. I am grateful that you are writing in a much safer space.
Heartbreaking 💔
I’m thankful you’re putting your words, story and self into the world 🙏🏽
I still write with the thought of someone may see this later. My mum read mine once but it only led to us having a conversation. Awkward but it happened. I’m glad she handled it well.
But I’ve written letters to my parents about my feelings on their reactions towards us and it has never ended well. My Dad never appreciated any and saw it as disrespectful. Oh well!
I write and try to be cryptic to the point that I forget what I was trying to say sometimes. I use digital journals now.
Growing up in a hypercritical household molds you as a kid. I did my best to fly under the radar most of the time growing up. Write anyway. Your parents were wrong.
I make it a vow to try to understand my kids. When they say certain things, kids are more vocal now than when I was kid, I try to decipher what prompted them to say so. I still want to hide my diary or self care pre promoted journals of fear of what the person I’m talking about may
Think or say. My parents did not care, it was their way or the highway and that was that. No explanations as to why. Which, now that I think of it, they probably didn’t have a real logical reason for the things they wanted and expected from their children. Sorry this also happened to you. Please keep writing
"All hell broke loose the day they discovered my diary, filled with my emotions trying to make sense of things. They read every single page about my experience. It triggered anger, intimidation, and a sense of violation in them.”
This is so fucking relatable. Sorry for the language, but the memory of them rummaging through my belongings, finding my diary, and reading it cover to cover infuriates me. I was punished, they didn't allow me to attend school that day, and to this day accuse me of writing ‘unacceptable’ things in a diary.
No, it is not a crime to keep a diary as a child. Writing and expressing your emotions can never be a crime.
The crime committed was the trespassing into that private space by unskilled parents. This is so honest and vulnerable.
"Oh well, that didn't end as funny as I thought.
I had thought for most of my younger years that diaries were for sissies and weaklings, and it would be a disgrace for me to do likewise. Who was I fooling? I didn't have a very blissful upbringing either, but instead of writing these moments down, I'd sit alone in my room when I had the opportunity and replay them over and over in my head, then cry about it. Although I couldn't relate to getting caught, whenever I heeded the advice to tell them how I really, really feel, I became the insensitive child. I know people evolve differently, but I thank God my parents grew to be more cautious with me, although a bit late since I had built a hard shell without their input.
I don't think writing is a crime, I even believe writing down our thoughts helps us understand and navigate through them better.
It's crazy you had to go through that—I mean, insults? I'm sorry man.
I'm so sorry you experienced this, and glad you're writing today. My mother read my diary when I was about thirteen and she. lost. her. mind. I remember being so angry because I knew my privacy had been violated, but I literally couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't write about personal things for years without have panic attacks, so I took a more academic writing path. To this day, writing about the really difficult and sticky topics in my life is hard, even if it's on my computer, just for myself. It does make me especially proud of my writing though, because of how difficult it's been to feel more secure in my voice and experiences.