how are you?
before you say “fine” or “i’m good” even when you’re NOT—just so you can quickly END the conversation and go back to scrolling tiktok.
I understand that not everyone deserves or needs a non-generic answer when they ask you “how are you”.
but there are times when you truly want to respond to the person but you’re frustrated by the question possibly because you’ve heard it one too many times or it’s just a reflex response.
this is exactly why i felt the need to write about this. For the people who deserve to know how you’re truly feeling.
first, it begins with you. You need to change the way you ask the question to others.
Someone said to change the world you need to start with yourself. Not the kind that gets a haircut and suddenly believes they're a whole new person.
But the kind where you force those around you out of their heads and get them to use their hearts instead.
What do I mean? By asking a better question:
“On a scale of 1-10, how are you?”
first, that immediately catches them off guard JUST enough to make them uncomfortable yet still feel like they’re in their comfort zone.
out of curiosity, you’d follow up with a question “why is it 5.5” or whatever number they chose because that’s where the real game is.
a bit of a back story:
i started therapy early last year (2024) and one of my favorite parts of the sessions was when my therapist (Mr niyi, God bless his soul) started each session with the question:
”on a scale of 1-10 how are you?”
at first, I thought, what the HELLY???
it felt like the first time trying butter chicken WRAP. Awful on the tongue at first, but boyyy did I come to love it so much after a couple of bites.
it has quickly become my go-to comfort food.
I digress.
His question drew me out of the shell i was hiding and brought out the answers that even I wasn’t prepared for. Answers I would not have been able to access had he not flipped the cliche “how are you”.
few more sessions in and i would always look forward to the question at the beginning. Not because I had prepared an answer ahead, matter of fact, i came unprepared for it even when I knew the question. But it challenged me every time to leave my head and reach for my heart.
that little framing of the question is so beautiful that it opened me up to my therapist and vice versa.
so, I challenge you today to ask the better question because we keep leaving meaningful conversations on the table when we don’t!
In case, you prefer to watch all I had just written —here’s a 30 seconds video:
That's a beautiful reframing of a simple question that should, but doesn't always, carry weight.
At this very moment I'd say I'm a 6.5 but your question helped me realize how much that number shifts during a day.
Welcome back brother!
10 because it’s my birthday todayyyy!