shit!

WARNING‼️leave this unread till you're about to eat—else you might develop constipation. Ps: this isn't a medical advice but a CHEF advice with 2 years of cooking experience.

this shit has nothing to do with the vulgar language and everything to do with those days when it's easier said than passed out.

before you embark on today’s meal, let me juggle your memory a bit:

you know that face you make when you’re expecting a phone call and your phone rings—only to see it’s from an unknown caller ID?

even worse, you pick up the call and it’s a breathing challenge going on.

You yell:

“hello”

“who’s this”

“hi”

“hello”

“who’s on the line”

dead silence still. The only thing you hear is someone on the other side breathing in and out.

same thing happens with this “shit”.

especially those ones that show up unexpectedly; when you’re on the bus to work, hanging out with friends, or during a presentation, with no toilet in sight.

this shit can be bipolar. Some days it’s slippery—it sneaks out through the backdoor before you even safely drop it at its destination.

other days, it’s almost like you’re about to lay eggs or have twins. You sweat it out. Veins out. Face squeezed— like you’re in a Don’t Laugh Challenge and the winner takes home the cash price.

at this point, you get the shit today’s Jollof-Write is about.

i know shit doesn’t fit in Jollof-Write because it’s irritating but sometimes—shit is easier said than done. Found this company that brags about knowing how to help you make it easier on those hard days:

on those dark days when shit gets hard—Use Metamucil.

a year ago, if i had come across this drug advert, i’d have given it a shot. But these days, shit runs like an aircraft on a free runway.

i didn’t plan to ruin your appetite today but if you read this while eating or about to eat—i hope this MEATS you well.