daddy said “do you have Twitter akant?”

Unfortunately, if you’re Nigerian you’ll understand this. 

Very Unfortunately Unfortunate!!!!! (Permit me). 

I mean, it’s no news that our bald and pot-bellied leaders have decided to shut us out because Jack (Twitter owner) took our president’s stick-sweet and he won’t stop crying. 

A 70+ wrinkled-ass baby. Smh! 

If you’re into stick-sweet gist — I think it’s important for you to know that I take the ‘stick’ very seriously more than the ‘sweet’ itself. So if you’re going to steal my sweet please just leave the stick for me (for chewing purposes). Thanks. 

The only difference between me and our President is — I won’t ban you from breathing.

Here we are. Twitter-less citizens of Nigeria. Hopefully, they don’t ban us from the entire internet for using VPNs to make truthful-jokes like this:

Very related:

I went out with my woman to have her birthday shoot.

But common!! we couldn’t possibly take only hers and not take one to pepper Instagram - before we’re all banned on there too. 

(Ps: her birthday is on Tuesday [8th] and mans doesn’t know what to get her. Any ideas? 🙏🏽)

Got back late at night - only for my dad to welcome me with; 

“Tobi, do you have Twitter akant?” 

Me: I don’t know what Twitter is, daddy. *smiles in VPN* 

Daddy: eh ehn! Because they’re arresting people oo.

Me: *Panics but remembers I serve a God that protects* ☺️

I bet they’ve started dishing out those false Whatsapp Broadcast messages that get parents forwarding to every tom, dick, and WhatsApp group - they belong to.

Anyway, Permit me to be your daddy today; 

Do you have Twitter akant? 

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